


Envy

by maybeformepersonally



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-07 13:37:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16409459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybeformepersonally/pseuds/maybeformepersonally
Summary: Phil meets Dan, told through Charlie's eyes.





	Envy

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Phandom Fic Fest Bingo, for the square “Envy”.
> 
> This is a work of fiction and it is not meant to portray or represent the feelings or experiences of anyone mentioned in it.

“Do you ship Phan?” Charlie reads off the screen. “Yes,  _no_ ,” he says, weariness seeping through.

“I used to,” he then lied. “I don’t anymore.”

“You remind me of Dan so much,” he read. “ _Brilliant_ , I’ve never heard that one before,” the bitterness was probably too palpable but he didn’t much care. Not a lot of people would be seeing this liveshow anyway. Phil would probably not bother watching it. They weren’t exactly on speaking terms, not  _really_ , not like they used to be; although Phil was still polite and kind when they saw each other. Charlie knew what Phil was like around friends and people he felt comfortable with, however, and nice as Phil still was towards him, it was painfully obvious he didn’t consider Charlie to be in that category anymore.

 

It was 2009 and Charlie had never seen Phil like this. His entire body was alight with it, thrumming with excitement. He’d always had a presence, he’d felt… untouchable, his mind seemed to wander to a place others could never access. But now… Charlie had never seen him so  _present_. He seemed to fill the space all around him, gesticulating, words running into each other in the rush to get them out, almost faster than his mouth could keep up with, eyes bright and smiling more intently than even his lovely mouth. Charlie had spent a lot of time staring at that mouth, first on the screen and later in person. His computer screen didn’t do him justice.

“I’ve never  _felt_ like this,” Phil had told him when Charlie brought it up. The words lodged in his throat, deep within his chest, sour and sharp and corrosive like acid. He felt them gnaw at him from the place where he shoved them down, trying to hide their impact from his so-called friend. His so-called friend who had, time and again, ignored him and prioritised other people, other projects, other activities, and who now did this.

 

Phil wouldn’t fucking shut up about him. He didn’t seem able to. It made Charlie want to tear his own hair out.

Charlie brought up a new band he’d found and it was “oh, Dan mentioned them! He thinks their new album is really good. He linked me their channel but I haven’t checked it out yet.” Charlie would excitedly tell Phil about this hilarious video he found, and Phil would laugh softly and say Dan had shown it to him, “wasn’t it so funny? Dan had cried with laughter when he’d first seen it”. Charlie would mention a mutual youtuber friend of theirs and Phil would listen for 10 seconds then would start talking about how much Dan liked their videos and how much Phil was looking forward to introducing them.

Charlie had never heard him gush like this, like he couldn’t keep all the words inside him anymore; this newfound desire to share his thoughts (and damn if every single one of them didn’t revolve around Dan Howell) was still tripping him up. It clashed badly with the image he’d built of Phil in his mind from their interactions in the past year. Cool, aloof, distant. Phil always seemed to be at most only half there, not in a bad way but as if he had so much going on in his brilliant mind that he always seemed to be half in his own world. Not so now. His whole world seemed to be Daniel Howell these days. It was as if his thoughts had shifted orbit, and the centre of it all was one annoying little prick who had slithered himself into Phil’s life like a fungus, spreading and entrenching himself in every nook and cranny of Phil’s existence.

 

Charlie knew he was staring a bit, but he didn’t really give a damn. He’d be loath to admit it, but after bearing witness to Phil’s completely unexpected infatuation face to face, he’d grown curious. Having finally met the infamous danisnotonfire in the flesh, he still didn’t get it.

Of course, seeing as the alternative was looking at Phil’s stupidly smitten face, he might as well keep trying to suss out what the hell it was about this boy that had  _Phil Lester_  of all people so intensely, unbearably  _focused_ on the here and now. Well… on  _him_ really.

Phil’s eyes were glued to Dan, he kept touching him even when their positions made it awkward or contrived, and Dan looked quietly joyous about it - they sat far too close, conspicuously leaving half the sofa empty; Phil kept poking him to get his attention, not that he needed to as Dan seemed just as keen not to ever take his eyes off Phil as Phil seemed about him; Dan straightened out Phil’s shirt collar at one point, apropos of nothing, and had pretended to punch him when Phil made a ‘your mum’ joke. They were disgustingly cute, yeah, but he still didn’t see it. Dan seemed so… ordinary.

 

“Is Phan real?” he laughed a bit at that.

He’d been tempted to reveal that, once or twice. More than once or twice if he was being honest. But he still  _did_  like Phil, still respected him, still felt compelled not to disappoint him, and he’d fucked up enough already.

Phil deserved better.

Even if he insisted on saddling himself with people who weren’t good enough for him.

“Yeah, I’m just gonna answer that. Why not?” he said, sarcastically.

He swallowed the answer and changed the subject.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Like/reblog this story from tumblr [here](https://maybeformepersonally.tumblr.com/post/179435382175/fic-envy)!


End file.
